Menu Close

A jobless man and a homeless man walk into a pub…

…you can continue with your own joke here.

I’ll provide an illustration.


I realize this might be a bit cryptic for a good portion of my audience, and for that, I beg forgiveness.


  1. Eric

    Oo-oo-oo! I know this one! This is the one where the bartender says, “I was talking to the duck,” right?



    Okay, I’m stumped.

  2. Tom

    No, no, no! You got it all wrong.

    A homeless man and a jobless man walk into a BAR. The jobless man said “Ouch!” The homeless man said, “I wish someone told us to duck.”

    The bartender overhears this, and says, “I was just talking to a duck. But he saw you two were about to walk into a bar, and didn’t want to be the butt of the joke, so he left.”

    The homeless man and the jobless man both said, “Duck left?”

    So the bartender did.

  3. Eric

    Crap! Sorry I was so unprepared. I think I have my notes together now… alright, let’s try this again:

    A jobless man and a homeless man walk into a pubโ€ฆ

    That’s you two, okay? Right, so you walk into the pub, which is full of various locals and adventurers, and you see a flamboyantly-dressed dwarf in the corner who you immediately recognize as Grimor Grimharrow, who Shanesta Greenleaves told you would be waiting for you. He beckons you over and says, “Aye, you’d be the ones Greenleaves said needed work and shelter; how would you feel about guard duty? There is a caravan leaving for Obermahr tomorrow, and the passage through the Blackshard Desert is beset by bandits and monsters. I need a pair of plucky adventurers like yourselves to make sure the caravan arrives safely with its cargo of mithril and Gnomish fine wines.”

    Uhm… go ahead and make a “Sense Motive” check….

  4. Nathan


    And I think I’m pissed. The picture from my camera is slightly soft on the focus while yours is perfect. Is this retribution for me failing to speak to the waitress in Russian? I know I didn’t call her a drunk until I got home, so that can’t be the problem.

  5. Nathan

    Disclaimer: The last comment was made by a ‘Murikin, not some damned Limey. Pissed does not think what the Brits think it means.

    They’re wrong.

  6. Ilya

    The picture from my camera is slightly soft on the focus while yours is perfect.

    I had a few of those as well on my camera. She turned on the flash at the end. Really liked me, I’m guessing ๐Ÿ˜›

  7. Ilya

    here in New York, we have bars, not pubs.

    Yet, I’m pretty sure you still call the food served there “pub food”, not “bar food”, right?

  8. Eric

    No, it’s called “bar food.” At least ’round here. It’s possible that the kinds of weird, messed-up locales where soda is called “pop” call bar food “pub food”….

  9. Kim

    Perhaps it was the pint that affected you? Jet lag? Fear of possibly eating something stinky?
    Sorry, I tried…now, about that duck.

  10. Ilya

    Anyhow, I feel that “pub” is a more colorful word than a “bar”… I fully plan on keeping some of these more colorful Britishisms in my vocabulary. Yes, I do.

  11. Eric

    Oh, “pub” is undeniably a more colorful term. Unfortunately, you may find that distressingly few watering holes in the U.S. merit it….

  12. Tom

    I can hear “pub” OK, and even catch the reference to a “Public House”. But in print, it becomes pee-you-buh, like it needs an “ic” at the end. Like the health-care protest sign that said “No Pubic Option!” Cracked me up.

    I guess I’m just a crass, crazy American, with no appreciation for how the Brits have mangled their language. Hey, I’m not sure I have an appreciation for how we Americans have mangled our language, either.

    Harrumph! All’a y’all get off-en my lawn!

Comments are closed.