Hedgehog House #3
Bonjour mon petite-pois! Here comes another hedgehog with a lovely story included.
Meet Malina. He’s a boy: to confuse people a bit. While in Germany last year, my family and I went around the X-mas markets. At some point, we came upon this lovely little hedgehog, very pale in fur colour, and very cute. As soon as I saw him, I remembered an old Russian song about a hedgehog: ‘The rubber hedgehog, with a hat made of raspberries, with a hole in its side.’ Don’t ask me why as this little dude has apples attached to him. But I liked the thought and decided to call him Raspberry. I dunno why most of my hogs are boys, they just are. ANYWAYS! After purchasing the little dumpling and walking quite a bit, I discovered that one of the apples was quite loose and actually fell off when I touched it. So we mosied* on back to the stall and got Raspberry’s twin, Malina. (By the way, Malina is raspberry in Russian.) Well, I couldn’t give it the same name, now could I? So here he is, what a cutie!
*Mosied is some form of moving, I think.
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Hedgehog House #2
It’s cool, it’s spiky and most important of all, it’s completely random and original! That’s right! Welcome back to *happy jingle plays* Hedgehog House! This is the show where you get introduced to all those furry things I collect-afy! So grab your boxes of mini quiches and enjoy the writing-ness that will shortly follow this peppy intro!
Meet Coochie! My parents went to Germany (Leiderhosen-land) for a excursion of, um, excursion-ness. They did stuff…but who cares ’bout that? They brought me back a hedgehog! They also brought one for me sistah. Oh yea, mum says they are from Nurnberg. She’s watching me with those eyes-mc-pies. ANYWAY! They were luverly hogs and I just had to bring mine in to school o’course. Yea. Um. I managed to break a bit of his nose off. Twas quite sad, really. And funnily enough, my sister broke the nose of hers on the same day! Coinky-dink? Maybe. A dandelion? Don’t think so.
So that’s how I got Coochie and Coochie’s bro, who’s name I do not know. HEY! I rhymed! Whoo! Hehe. They were just put into my collection when I started it because I already owned them B.C. (before collect-afying).
So here they are! Coochie on zee top and his bro on zee, um, below! I don’t like calling things a ‘bottom’, it’s a tad rude.
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THE MIGHTY BOOSH!
Oh my giddy gods pantyhose!
I went to see the Mighty Boosh live! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! It was so cool! Right, I’ll try to calm down long enough to tell you peoples about it…*mad happiness fit*
So. Not many people actually know what the Boosh is (and absolutely no one American will know it), sadly so I may have to explain a bit…which is actually physically impossible. But I’ll try, just for you. That’s how nice I am. The Mighty Boosh is an English TV show starring Noel Fielding (phwooooar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*) and Julian Barratt. The show is completely random and utterly inexplicable. But it has brilliant humour, if a bit odd (which is fine by me) and Noel’s Hair is dead gorgeous. He plays Vince Noir while Julian Barratt plays Howard Moon. Vince is cool and gets all the girls, Howard likes jazz and everybody basically takes to the mickey (makes fun) of him. They live in a world where anything is possible and most impossible things do happen anyways. Both actors actually play more than one role throughout the show, the characters of which I can’t be bothered to name. Maybe I will in a long Boosh blog. The other main characters are Bollo the Gorilla, Bob Fossil (a mad American) and Naboo the enigma (wizard). Naboo is actually played by Noel’s brother and Bollo’s just cool.
I think I’ve explained enough really. After waiting 3 months for the show to take place we finally got there: my best mate Ella, her dad, and moi! Many people were in costumes and we quickly bought goody-bags, light-up badges and T-shirts. The rest is all a very lovely loveliness which I will leave to your imagination. We met up with my other best mate (I have about 10), Livi during the intermission thingy and screamed for a bit randomly. I also saw some younger girls from my school there which was very beanz. I like seeing people I know.
I don’t think I’ve gotten over the shock of actually seeing Noel Fielding with my eyes. I don’t feel as if I have. It hasn’t settled in my mind quite yet. The fact that I’ve seen all the characters has set in fine! The Hitcher (don’t ask) is there as is Tony Harrison (ditto). Hehe, he fell at some point and he’s just a head.
In conclusion: I absoltively adored the show!I would not recommend it for anyone under 13 or normal. BUT WATCH IT! When I move back, I’m bringing all the DVD’s (or maybe we’ll all have got ‘blu-rays’ by then) and making everyone love them. A pic will be appearing here of me in my Boosh T-shirt (which I wore under my school uniform today, hehe) and badge.
THE MIGHTY BOOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*phwoooar (for people who don’t usually read my blog and aren’t Brits): very very very hot
How to put on a modern Nativity play
I normally don’t do this but this is my second blog in a week so you people are blessed! Which incidentally is what this bloggy is kinda about…
Rite, in England, most elementary schools put on a nativity play which shows the birth of Jesus and how it all happened. Our Drama club teacher told us to put on said Nativity play and my group decided to go for something a bit different from the traditional tale…
(The other group took the cop-out and pretended to be little kids putting on the play. Pathetic!)
Cast:
Anna – The Virgin Mary
Livi – Mr God
Eliza – Mrs God
Orla – Dr Gabriel
Becky – TV Interviewer/Joseph
Kaya – Camera-woman/Wise Man
SCENE ONE
-A young girl with headphones in her ears sits in a doctor’s office listening to her iPod. A doctor walks in and starts talking to her-
Dr Gabriel: Mary, you’re pregnant.
Mary: No I’m not. *keeps listening to music and dances along*
Dr Gabriel: *forced smile* Yes you are, as the scans show.
Mary: No I’m not ‘cos I didn’t do ‘it’. *big hand gestures like a chav (gangster)*
Dr Gabriel: *laughs* But you must’ve done ‘it’.
Mary: Well I didn’t.
Dr Gabriel: Well you’re pregnant so you had to have! *Before Mary can reply, he storms off*
SCENE TWO
-In Heaven, a TV presenter stands in front of Mr and Mrs God and is about to interview them-
Interviewer: Right we are here, live, in Heaven! You cannot believe how much I had to pay the taxi driver! We are here with Mr and Mrs God.
Camera-woman: *Zooms in in Mr God who looks nervous*
Interviewer: So Mr God. Is it true that because of you, a 17-year-old girl is pregnant?
Mr God: Well, in a manner of speaking, I guess…
Interviewer: So you cheated on your wife?
Mr God: No, it’s not like that!
Interviewer: Mrs God? How do you feel about this?
Mrs God: Well I don’t know really. I mean, he already has a mistress so a pregnant girl was just the next step but MY GOD!
Mr God: *clears throat* Um, darling. Please don’t use my name in vain.
Mrs God: Sorry. But really he has a mistress, Persephone. And well, she’s a lovely girl, very nice, but sometimes I wonder what she’s getting herself into, poor girl.
Interviewer: *confused* Isn’t Persephone the wife of Hades?
Mr God: *winks* Not anymore!
Camera-woman: *looks at Interviewer kinda shocked*
Interviewer: Right, thank you Mr and Mrs God for speaking to us. Goodbye then!
-Interviewer and Camera-woman go back down to earth-
SCENE THREE
-In the hospital, Joseph (Mary’s boyfriend) and Mary sit and chat-
Mary: So, then, I went into Tesco’s for some carrots and he was like ‘uh’ and I was like ‘uh!’ and-
Joseph: Mary? Some wise dude is at the door.
Mary: Oh right, let him in.
Wise Man: Hello Mary. It’s me, your maths teacher, remember? You are quite behind being gone for, what, 9 months? You were meant to do your A levels but oh well.
Mary: Right.
Wise Man: So here’s your work that you’ve missed. It’s quite a lot and well, good luck popping that thing out. *leaves*
Joseph: Lovely man, he is.
Mary: Yea. So then he was like ‘nuh!’ and I went ‘huh!’ and-
Dr Gabriel: *rushes in and interrupts Mary* Right, so how are we doing?
Joseph: Excuse me? We were having a conversation!
Dr Gabriel: Well sorry Joseph but your girlfriend did something with someone and now she’s having a baby.
Mary: His name is JOE! Get it right!
Joseph: And besides, my girl is loyal to me. She didn’t do anything with anyone. Right babe?
Mary: Yea! I didn’t do ‘it’.
Dr Gabriel: *rolls eyes* Whatever.
-Mary gives birth-
Joseph: Oh looks it’s a boy! What shall we call him?
Mr and Mrs God: *whispering loudly in the background* JESUS! JESUS! CALL HIM JESUS!
Mary: *ponders for a bit* I think I’ll call him Jesus.
Joseph: Nice! Or JJ for short!
Mary: Yea!
And that concludes our play! I hope no one was offended. This is simply the creation of bored schoolgirls. And I think it’s just funny-tabby-tozy!
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Hedgehog House: #1
Rite. So. Meet the first installment of my hedgehog showing thingy! His name is Gosha (Гоша) and I will say stuff about him now. So listen. With your ears. hahahaha
*Warning! This story may be slightly altered for dramatic/funky/coolbeanz effect.
It all started on a lovely August day in 2007. I’d had a lovely summer in America, buying clothes, meeting with friends, going to Six Flags: all sorts of cool things. My sister, mother and I were in one of our closest friends houses, saying our good-byes before leaving for home in Britland. Then suddenly, Tessa, the younger girl from this beloved family, runs up to me brandishing a hedgehog. ‘His name is Gosha’, she says. ‘Keep him to remember us by.’ So I take the hedgehog and as I look him over I realise my true calling in life (in England) and that is to collect hedgehogs! I already have a random few and it shouldn’t be to hard to find some more. Besides, it would be cool to collect something out of the ordinary…
Yea. So that’s how my collection got started. Wasn’t that a heartfelt little story I told? Why, thank you! I’m glad you liked it that much! Oh, stop. I couldn’t possibly publish it as a book! Or can i…
Keep looking here for new hogs of hedge-ness!
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